fellowship doesn't work

Or at least it's not enough.

When we tell our children and teenagers that the reason to come to church is to have "fellowship" or "community" we are seriously shortchanging their capacity to understand God's love and the nature of gathering for worship.

In the Episcopal Church, it's been my experience that we use "fellowship" as a catch-all reasoning and justification for putting on just about any event we do.

COME BOWLING! IT'S A GREAT OPPORTUNITY FOR FUN AND FELLOWSHIP.

A flyer handed out at public schools by the Child Evangelism Fellowship

 How many times have you read a bulletin announcement with words like this? How many times have you explained to your children why they should go to youth group? And we all know that "community" gets translated to "fun hang out time with my friends."

The message is clear - church and church activities exist for your pleasure. The problem is that the minute your child stops having fun, or has an awkward moment with the weird kid - it is no longer at their pleasure. They don't want to to come to church any more because it interferes with other times to "have fun and be with my friends" - and since we're not telling them that church is worth any more than that, why should it rank any higher than soccer, or horseback riding, or video games? Or homework. I've heard many time about how teens can't come to youth group because they have too much homework. What is youth group to the future of their child's welfare and their chances of getting into college? We do a pretty bad job of communicating that church is more important than that.

Let's go deeper than this. Yes, relationships are the cornerstone experience in which we experience Christ. But let's make sure that those relationships are good relationships. Not manically giddy, not fake and timid, and definitely not separated by cliques and clubs. Let's make sure that we're communicating that being a Christian, that following Jesus is hard but that it's worth it. Instead of being afraid of sounding like our bible-thumping cousins in other denominations (I'm talking to the Episcopalians, now) let's talk open and honestly about sin, and grace, and love, and joy, and truth. Let's take back those words to have them mean that they were supposed to all along.

good friday

Don't follow Jesus if you're not prepared to have your life torn apart. Your temple will be destroyed.

It will be rebuilt again, rest assured, but know that it won't be on your terms. When you follow Jesus you die to yourself and give your life to him.

Do these words sound familiar? Have you recited words just like it over and over again? Chances are you have, but please, do not take these words lightly.

It's easy to, of course. We recite dramatic things like this all the time in church, and we read them frequently enough that we become complacent.

Which is exactly what Satan wants, of course. So do not take these words lightly.

When Jesus came to see his disciples after his resurrection, he showed them him wounds. Jesus choses to interact with us through his wounds. On Good Friday we remember that we stand and we watch and we look away and we tremble as Jesus is crucified, and Jesus begs for his cup to be taken from him.

But in this resurrection life, our new creation, Jesus uses his healed wounds  -- reminders of betrayal, mistrust, and deceit -- wounds that have been made new, to bring us into his kingdom.

As we are reminded at passover, our life with God is marked by raw emotion, cutting bitterness, and salty tears. If you think being a Christian means inspiring quotes, donating some money, and chatting over coffee -- I urge you to look again.

Because when you are genuinely following Jesus, it shows in your wounds.

trapeze faith

This picture teaches us everything we need to know about walking with God. And about change.

1. You let go.

2. You hang in mid-air.

3. You grab hold of a new direction.

It’s step two that scares us. At least for me, this is the hardest part of change. The not knowing, what we call being in “limbo.” But then, just as surely as the trapeze artist grabs the bar, God’s promises grab hold of us and off we go in a new direction. In that in-between, we must believe God’s promises to us and His purpose for us. That he will be faithful to bring the bar close enough for us to grab onto before we fall.

Maybe you feel like you are hanging in mid-air today, I pray Hebrews 10:23 will encourage you: “Let us hold tightly without wavering to the hope we affirm, for God can be trusted to keep his promise.”

 -- by Sue Brage 

story telling and music - no we're not talking children's chapel

 As an angsty young teenager I would lock myself in my room and listen to hours of bright eyes, dashboard confessional, something corporate, brand new, jimmy eat world, and every other emo band of the day. I would memorize the lyrics and recite them to myself. It would take me an hour to figure out what my AIM away message would be- usually a perfectly chosen set of song lyrics that would be just vague enough to explain away but would in fact be eerily accurate of my current feelings. It was incredibly important to me to articulate in the most poetic way my place in the world and how I felt about it.
I'm not unique though. Lots of people my age were doing the same thing and even more do it today in some form or another. In growing up I've come to terms with the fact that I am not unique. But don't worry! I'm not panicked. It actually makes me calmer to know that we're in this together. It's best articulated, I think, by Better than Ezra:

Cause when I'm in over my head
I hear the words you said
That someone out there's
Listening to the same song
Feeling the same way that I do
Make me a believer pick up the receiver
And tell me you feel just like I do, I do

I think that just dated me, but oh well!

When I was a teen going through these feelings I thought for sure that I would stop feeling this way at some point. Like, when I finally got a college degree and a real job and a boyfriend and a car and....... that somehow I'd stop having emotions and would just be good all the time.

I'm here to tell you this never goes away. At least, it hasn't for me yet. But you know what? Music still helps. I usually pair my angsty-music-listening moods with running these days because it's a tad bit more productive and the endorphins help too, but it's basically the same.

Now, how will the youth minister in me try to reconcile this with God and the Bible (since this is a ministry blog, afterall)?

I don't think I have to try very hard. Music rings true in our hearts in the same way the stories in the Bible do. The Bible is a rich and deep record of people's stories. Stories about their struggles and pains, joys and praise, and most importantly about their relationships. Relationships with each other and with God. Music is a story, too, I think. No doubt the writer of the song has a story to tell, but so do we, in our individual experience of it.

How many songs can you name that when you listen to them, no matter where you are or what you're doing, you are immediately taken back to that warm summer night in the car with your best friend, or to that chilly winter retreat with your youth group? Our hippocampus (it's a part of the brain, look it up!) stores these memories and these are strengthened when paired with a scent or a sound.

How many stories of your life do you have to share? I bet there's hundreds. It's my favorite thing to do, and with good reason! And this is what the heart of our youth ministry is. One the most important things we do as Christians- heck, as humans!- is to share our stories. It makes life more rich, deeper and wider, and infinitely better.

I think Jesus would agree with me, too, but you'd have to ask him. ;-)

Blessings to you, this day. May you share your stories and be blessed by someone else's.

xoxo
Tara

What's the purpose for doing youth ministry?

I had a head cold the last few days of my vacation which forced me to finally relax on my vacation -- novel concept, I know! But as I was looking through some of my old youth ministry textbooks and I started to contemplate the purpose of youth ministry all together. So, I'll ask -- what's the purpose for doing youth ministry?

Your answer will no doubt be a little different from mine. But my response can be summed up in one sentence: The purpose of youth ministry is to lead students to become disciples, or followers, of Christ.

Now, how this gets done looks a million different ways. And, we must acknowledge that we play different roles with different students, depending on the level of parental engagement in a student’s spiritual development.

But if you ask me, our call -- our task -- is to play our part in helping God to develop disciples of Christ.

I think about discipleship a lot. I think a great deal about how we as youth ministers and youth workers lead students to be followers of Christ and not merely nominal Christians. So, I began to ask myself this: if we aren't leading teens to become disciples, what are we leading them to become?

Are we leading teens to be legalists? Do our teens see their relationship with Christ as little more than a list of “do’s and don’ts” to check off? Is our ministry full of teenagers who aren’t motivated by imitating Christ’s holiness, but are instead driven by a Pharisaical sense of rule keeping?

Are we leading our teens to be lukewarm religionists? Do our teens go through the motions at Church, but lead unremarkable lives at school, barely discernable from those who don’t know Christ?

Are we creating spiritual consumers? Are we more concerned about the level of our teens’ entertainment than the depth of their devotion? Do we put more time, thought, and energy into our presentation than we do our content?

Or are we leading teens away from Christ? Do the things we say and do demonstrate to teens that following Christ is optional, a hard task reserved for the super-spiritual? Or does the content of our programs show them that Christ is containable, and predictable, and not very life-changing or transformative?

I know I certainly don't do any of these things knowingly or willingly. And I'm confident you don't, either.

But I think it's so important for us to continually come to this question and to evaluate our efforts. Over at youthministry360, they have offered this list I think might be a good starting point:

You are shaping students faith. What are you shaping it to be?
How can we know if we are helping students grow into disciples? In other words, what is the fruit of our ministry in the lives of our students? What does it look like when it works?

• If you see students who are growing in their knowledge and understanding of Scripture, you are helping them grow into disciples.
• If you see visible fruit of spiritual growth in their lives (in other words, if you see them applying their growing knowledge of Scripture), you are helping them grow into disciples.
• If you are actively working alongside students’ parents as co-laborers in shaping their faith-lives, you are helping them grow into disciples.
• If your students are engaging in your church outside of “youth specific” activities, you are helping them grow into disciples.
• If your students are developing a heart for the poor, the sick, and the outcast, you are helping them grow into disciples.
• If you see students willingly embrace leadership responsibilities, you are helping them grow into disciples.

What do you think? Do we measure up? How can we be better? 

NYWC tidbits to chew on

"Spiritual formation is intentionally paraphrasing a common slogan. Our goal is transformation, not information or recreation."

"I put a big crown over their head, and help them grow into it."

"For Jesus, people always come before program."

"Are we living a life that is adventurously expectant (see Romans 8) or one that is predictably remarkable?"

" I was rebelling against the Christians who were discriminating against my friends."

"Service is giving a thirsty person a glass of water. Justice is asking why that person doesn't have accessible clean water"

"In nurturing teenage disciples, remember that genuine commitment comes, not through giant steps, but through baby steps."

National Youth Workers Conference - part one

Heyyyy!

It's the middle of the day on the third day of this four-day conference and I have found myself in need to collect my thoughts. It's so incredible to be here with so many Spirit-filled, on fire youth workers and I often find myself wishing I could be sharing this experience with you -- my friends and partners in ministry.

This is supposed to be a tiny start to updating you on the things I've been learning, remembering, or being inspired by. Please forgive me for typos and formatting, I'm on my phone. :)

I'll start small with this first post so you're not overwhelmed like I was!

So, from the intensive learning lab I started with on Thursday, I offer you these nuggets: The good news (not to be confused with the Good News) is that even though for the past 20 years the vast majority of youth ministry has been teaching the gospel of "sin management" (doing certain behaviors and avoiding certain other behaviors), the Episcopal Church has done a pretty good job of avoiding that trap. Back pats around the room! :)

More good news is this:
The Gospel can handle doubt.
At our best, we Episcopalians are great with doubt. At our worst, we are so sensitive to doubt and opinions of others that we abandon the Gospel altogether. So, I'll add a caveat to that statement:
The Gospel can handle doubt. But, while doubt alone is not toxic, unexpressed doubt is.

Here's some research:
A recent longitudinal study by the Fuller Youth Institute following 500 teens across the country:
80% of HS seniors intend to stay active in their faith after HS
only 40-50% actually do
70% of teens doubt their faith in high school
only 10% of those felt they had a chance to work through their doubts
The questions that teens had fell into two equally important categories:
apologetics
Does God exist?
Is Christianity true/the only way to God?
personal
Does God love me?
Am I living the life God wants?

Jay Giedd's research at UCLA:
When teen don't practice and wrestle with their doubt, they cognitively lose their faith. Just like all other areas of study (like sciences, social studies and English) teens are capable of and hunger for high levels of synaptic engagement. So, why are we offering baby food when Shakespeare is what's called for?

So, it can't be that we offer teens do and don't lists of behaviors, but it also can't be that we say doubt is okay and leave it well enough alone. We must wrestle the tough stuff, expect the level of excellence our teens are capable of, and have the grace to accept that God alone is who transforms our hearts, minds, and souls -- not us.

I can't wait to celebrate doubt and lift it up to our God together when I get back. Love you all!

xoxo